so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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