So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
