I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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