all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
