Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
