They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
