I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
