Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
