but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
