I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
