Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
