I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
