well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
