Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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