You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
