I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
