Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
