if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
