I'm lost and stupid without you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
