Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
