JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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