I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
