Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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