I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
