Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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