I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just pee around me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
