Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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