I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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