did you get engaged???
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
