porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
