UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is Oprah even human
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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