Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
