Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I could fuck to npr.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Holy shit dude........stairs
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