Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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