she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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