do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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