At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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