Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I lost the right to judge tonight
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
