He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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