My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
