it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
