The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize