so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
God I need to hump something, right now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize