party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
