hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
