Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
