I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
