Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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