The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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