she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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