Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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