i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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