Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
