oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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