Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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