you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize