U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
