made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
