TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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