dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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