I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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