dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
