Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Boobs are out for the taking
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
