white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
