She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
