Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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