apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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