A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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